I Am Big – but what does that mean?

I had the honor of interviewed by Ayush Maheshwari for the I Am Big Show.  It was a very cathartic and challenging experience because it was very honest.  The show is an incredible exploration into the concept of being “BIG”, and about “sharing what is working, in a BIG way”.  The people who are featured have all done or been through something that brought out their “BIG”.

My episode will air on March 2, 2013, and in anticipation of it’s debut, Ayush asked me to write about what “Being Big” means to me.  For someone who spent her entire life trying to be small, this is a really tough question.   It took me years to understand the concept of “big”.  My entire life people chastised me for my “big energy”, and I spent a lifetime trying to “tone it down” (been fired several times for my inability to do so), to be small, to be the sweet, nice girl in the corner.  I was taught: Big Is Bad.  At 41 years old, I have come to accept, I am not that soft spoken, demure little thing in the corner, I’m…me.  Big hair, big voice, big opinions, just big… and thank god for it!  ugh, it was so hard trying to pack myself into a 5 lb bag.

So, maybe, embracing and accepting the “big” is more the point.  We all do big things all the time – a mother of 3, hell…the mother of one!  A teacher is doing something big.  A fisherman is doing something big, as is a farmer.  A neuroscientist is doing something big too, and just because it’s more unusual, doesnt make it any bigger than an painter.  So maybe, it’s about realizing that we are all rock stars.  meow.

I think maybe the point is to be able to say to ourselves “YES! I AM BIG!”…and not feel as though we are somehow accepting an accolade for which we are undeserving.  Maybe we are all deserving of thinking we matter, that we are, in fact, something important, significant, dare i say…special enough to allow ourselves to feel GREAT about that very knowledge.  Secure enough to believe it, in your very soul.

I have no idea how i’ll come off in the interview as i have not seen it.  I have no idea how the “Big” will be discussed or if i’ll sound like a smacked ass (always a risk in my case).  But i suppose, to answer Ayush’s question “What does Big mean to you” i have to say, to me,  it means acceptance.  It means you accept your situations, your limitations, your assets and your liabilities, you accept your strengths and you accept your weaknesses.  You accept the totality of yourself with as much love and compassion as you accept the totality of those you love.

And maybe, because i am who i am, i also gotta believe that the Biggest bigness of all comes from the knowing that someone loves the totality of you right back, and you know they accept all the bigness in your soul.

My episode airs  March 2, 2013 on www.iambigshow.com

 

 

 

to ayush – i love you. and thank you for healing a little piece of my soul. xo